Winston Wei

I sat down for lunch yesterday with a friend, she mentioned how she thought I valued depth in a person a lot. And you know, at first I thought that was rather shallow of myself, like, who am I to value someone's worth through my perceived "depthful-ness" of that individual. But, I think that if I'm being completely honest its quite true, as silly as it sounds, all good people are like onions. The closer you get ot the center the more layers and they might even make you cry.

I think crying is so valuable. I love crying, I live for crying and food and love (and fed10). It feels so raw and vulnerable. And after you jsut sit there thnking to yourself "shit" looking like a fool.

But honestly, more poeple should cry, I feel like I know a handful of peole who should let it out more often. Some are assholes and others are just super emotionally withdrawn. But I guess some people have there own way of handling things.

I think as I've gotten older I've become a worse judge of people's emotions. Contrary to popular rhetoric, I think that the more you experience, the more conscious you grow of how vast human emotions can be, and with that I think comes with a natural inability to pinpoint which one of those emotions people could be feeling, because you know, there's just so many options!

But on a serious note, you could be the happiest person in a room with absolutely nothing to look forward to at home and that scares the shit out of me. I once knew someone like that.

So, going back to the whole onion thing. Yeah, I think I do value depth, quite a lot actually, I think the most interesting people are those you have to crack open a little bit to get a good look at who they truly are, but, I think shallow people are also just as valuable. You learn a lot about enjoyment, laugher, fun, things I guess you could argue are "simpler" or surface-level.

I think a good life is one where you don't always take yourself too seriously.

[14:02]
It had been raining for three days straight. I still enjoyed it though, I had always loved rain, coming from a city where you don't often see much of it funny enough.

I still don't know how to feel about things. I've been drowning out all the noise from the quiet corners of school libraries and cafes with rather mediocre americano's. Listening to music doesn't really help either. I like to pretend it does but it's kinda just a way for me to cope with how things are now. I've been listening to a lot of Frank Ocean, and not so much Marvin Gaye.

It's funny how as you grow older the lyrics to songs you once loved begin to resonate with you a little harder. It's easy to say you love a song because of its rhythm or beat but a bit harder to say you love it because of what it means to you, but i guess that's my reward for listening to it so much while having someone on my mind.

[16:08]
Finished class, had a rather interesting discussion about media and portrayal of religion. It's strange, just an hour ago i was feeling rather down.

It's a Sunday night, a night never to be trusted for emotions. It's easy to head home and either receive texts in the dead of night or actually compose them that are not going to be fully representative of how you feel for the rest of the day, or rather, the rest of the week. Then you'll be reaching out, and if you're not reaching out you'll have someone else reaching out to you. And your friends, and your brain, and your morals, and your conscience have all trained you not to respond. But I'm gonna go against the grain, and I'm going to suggest that the next time you get a message from the one you love, the only person in the world you love and can't talk to, that you respond.

And you just write back when they ask you if you're up, and you're up, just write back, "Yup, come on over." Cause life is just too short to keep playing the game. Cause if you really want somebody, you'll figure it out later. Otherwise, you'll be lying in bed with an iPhone on your chest staring at it, doing nothing for the rest of the night, hoping that it goes, "PRRR, PRRR, PRRR."

If you love someone, tell them, and tell them that you want them so bad you'll go back on the things you believe.